Lost In The Dark
by FictionChic
Summary: Rogue can't deal with her emotions...can't deal with her powers - so she cuts herself to cope with it. Nobody understands. Nobody even tries. She feels so alone. So lost. She needs somebody to save her from herself. Setting: Four months after Apocalypse Warning: Self-Harm (Re-Written)
1. Chapter 1

Wolverine walked down the hallway, tiredly. It was three in the morning when he had been awoken by one of his nightmares...or should he say memories and now all he wanted was a cold can of beer to ease his nerves. Although it had been four months since Apocalypse and life was pretty much back to normal - he still couldn't help but think about everything that had happened.

Coming to the kitchen entrance, he stopped. Rogue was sitting at the table in her green and orange pajamas, her hands hidden beneath the table. That's all she was doing. Just sitting.

He stalked over to the fridge and opened it, "Rogue," he growled, "What're you doin' up? It's late."

"Ah can't sleep." she responded quietly, keeping her back towards him.

Logan looked at her suspiciously, before taking a swig of his beer, taking a deep breath of refreshment afterwards.

He stopped suddenly and eyed Rogue. That was it, he had smelled it. The scent of blood. It was so faint that he almost didn't notice it. He looked at the wall that held a calendar. No, it wasn't Rogue's time of the month yet - that had passed. He looked at Rogue one more time. Her shoulders were slumped, and she shifted in the wooden chair uncomfortably.

He walked over to the table and took a seat facing her. He didn't know how to bring up such a sensitive topic. So, he took another deep breath and just said it, "You been cuttin' Stripes?"

Rogue's heart skipped a beat, as she slowly lifted her head to meet his dark eyes. Unconsciously, Rogue bobbed her head up and down.

Wolverine sighed sadly and ran his hand over his face, "Gimme the blade kiddo."

Rogue shakily lifted one of her hands, and slid the object she used to harm herself over to him. Tingles raced all along her body as Wolverine stood to bring the object to the sink. She felt as though she was going to faint. She didn't even realize when he returned, "Let me see your other arm."

Rogue shook her head, "Logan Ah-

"Now Stripes!" Logan growled angrily, trying to keep his composure when he saw the girl jump.

Rogue lifted her arm up and tried to stop shaking as the older mutant rolled up her sleeve. She tore her eyes away to stare at the tabletop. Twelve cuts decorated the inside of her pale arm. They weren't deep, they were more like cat scratches, "Why?"

Rogue flinched at the pain in Wolverine's voice. She didn't even know what to say. She already wished she could go back in time to when Wolverine walked into the kitchen, "Ah-

"Go to bed Logan," professor Charles Xavier rolled into the kitchen, interrupting whatever the Southern girl was going to say, "I can take it from here."

He had been awoken by Logan's shouting and Rogue's anguished thoughts. Logan glanced at the professor, "You sure Charles?"

The professor nodded, his hands folded and placed under his chin, "Yes, I would like to speak with Rogue. Privately if you don't mind?"

Nodding, Logan downed the rest of his beer, before patting Rogue on the head. His hand lingered, before he walked off, the sound of his footsteps soon fading.

Rogue's eyes widened slightly. She seemed frozen. Her arm still suspended in the air. The professor went over to her and she lowered her arm so that he could see the cuts for himself. He nodded slowly, "Rogue, please come with me to the MedBay. We'll get you comfortable and talk about this later. It's late."

Rogue snapped out of her spacey state and frowned, "But Ah have school!"

"Rogue," the professor started sharply, "Please, just cooperate. I can sense that you're mentally exhausted ri-

"Who gave you permission to go through mah head?!" Rogue exclaimed.

"Rogue I-

"Ugh! Ah'm outta here!" she stood from her place at the table and began to walk away. She was suddenly very tired. She just wanted to go back to bed.

She only got halfway, before she gasped and froze. A wave of dizziness passed over her and she slowly fell to her knees, crying out, "Ahhh! Mah head!"

"Forgive me," the professor said, as Rogue's cries subsided and she curled up into herself peacefully on the floor.

"I heard yelling," Beast entered the kitchen and pushed up his glasses. He had been looking over charts and organizing things in the MedBay, "Charles? What happened to Rogue?"

The professor sighed and leaned forward a bit, "I was able to calm her for a bit. She has self mutilation on her right forearm. I need you to take her to the MedBay and get her situated if you don't mind?"

Beast nodded and carefully picked up Rogue, "Of course."

* * *

Rogue rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up in the hospital bed. She blinked and looked around frantically, grasping the blanket and glancing at all the machines beeping. This wasn't her room. She wasn't in her bed. No, she was in the all to familiar MedBay. Her eyes widened, as memories from last night came rushing back: the kitchen, Wolverine, her arm, cuts, the professor, mind tricks, yelling, and then nothing.

She looked at her arm. It was wrapped in a thick white gauze. She covered her eyes with her hands, "Ugh, Mah head. Why is this happenin' tah meh?"

"Mornin' Stripes."

Rogue uncovered her face and locked eyes with the owner off the deep voice, "Logan..."

He sighed and walked into the room, plopping down into the chair next to her, "Why ya' hurtin' yourself kid?"

Rogue bit her lip, "Ah don't wanna talk about it."

"You're gonna have too. You can't be doin' that around here." Logan told her firmly.

Rogue rolled her eyes, "Okay, Ah'm sorry and Ah'll never do it again. Happy?"

Logan growled low in his throat, "Don't push me Stripes..."

She folded her arms across her chest and turned her nose up at him, "Can Ah go now?"

"Not until you tell me what's goin' through your head." Logan was getting frustrated.

"It was just a one tahme thing ahlright?" Rogue lied and began unhooking herself from the machines she was attached to, "Ah'm in high school. A lot of kids do stuff. Ah just wanted tah try it."

"Mhmm," Logan glanced at her chart, "So, last night you wanted to try it twelve times, and it says here that you have scars from self mutilation that are at least 4 months old?"

His eyes widened, at his last sentence. How had he not realized this before? She had been hurting herself for four months, and he hadn't noticed, "I wish you would talk to me."

Rogue sighed and pulled the covers over herself, "There's nothing tah talk about! Ah can do whatever Ah want! Leave meh alone."

Logan sighed and stood from his place at her bedside, "I'll have Storm bring you something to eat. Hank will be in later to change your bandages..and to hook you back up to those machines. You're outta school for the week."

Rogue rolled her eyes and huffed, blowing her bangs out of her face. Once she was sure the older mutant had left, she got up and changed back into her pajamas, throwing the hospital attire on the floor. She combed through her messy hair with her ungloved fingers and left the MedBay.

_Bamf._ Rogue gasped sharply and placed a hand to her heart. The person who had suddenly appeared in front of her was none other than her blue, furry, adoptive brother Kurt, "Watch it Kurt! Yah scared meh!"

Kurt smiled sheepishly, "Sorry about that. Jean said she saw you being carried to the MedBay last night. Shouldn't you ve there now Are you okay?"

Rogue's heart skipped a beat, but she recovered and frowned, putting her tough demeanor back into place, "It's fine! Stop worryin' about meh!"

"Okay, okay," Kurt sighed, "It's just that...you're my seester. I vorry about you."

"Well don't," Rogue mumbled pushing past him.

She hugged herself tightly as she made her way up to her and Kitty's room. Once reaching her destination, she pushed the door shut with her foot and walked over to her dresser. Pulling out a pair of gloves, she gasped and jumped back with something silver and shiny fell out of one of them and landed on the hard floor.

She rolled her eyes again and bent over to pick it up. She really needed to stop being so jumpy. She stared at the blade and turned it over in her hands. Maybe just once more.

She rolled up the sleeve of her pajama shirt and glared at the white bandage. She suddenly felt like the bandage was too tight. It was going to cut off her circulation. Breathing shallowly, she tore off the bandage with her teeth and began to cut. She could finally breathe normally again.

She was lost in her own little world. It was just her and her blade. She cut again, and again, and again, and again.

"Rogue!"

Rogue's head snapped up, her eyes as wide as saucers and her heart pounding as she gazed into the professor's eyes. She began to shake.

"You forgot to lock the door," Logan informed her, "Drop the blade Stripes."

She shook her head slowly and backed up a few steps. She couldn't give up her blade. It's the only one she had left, "L-leave meh alone."

Her hand flinched and she pressed the blade to her wrist. She could get away with one more cut. Just one more.

"Stop it!"

Rogue screamed as she was tackled to the ground, her blade falling out of her hand, and landing somewhere in her room.

"I said stop!" Logan growled.

"Get-get off of meh!" Rogue shouted, struggling under his grip.

She cried out exhaustedly, when he pinned her arms by the side of her head. She felt like she was going to throw up.

"Rogue," came the professors calm voice, "Look at what you are doing to yourself."

Wolverine moved Rogue's injured arm so that she could see it. Cuts ran from the tip top of her shoulder, all the way to the top of her wrist. She could feel the sting. She liked it, "Do you see this?!"

Rogue's eyes were wide and tired. She had done that, "It's mah body. Ah can do what Ah want with it."

She swallowed nervously. Those words tasted weird. When Logan finally rolled off of her, she sat up. The professor and Logan were both staring at intensely at her. She felt so helpless under their gaze.

The professor opened his mouth, and then closed it again. He didn't know what to say.

"You need help Rogue. We can help you." he finally said.

"Well, Ah don't want it!" the girl shot back angrily.

Logan growled loudly and punched the wall, causing some of it too fall apart and causing Rogue to jump.

"Logan, control your temper." the professor placed and arm on his shoulder calmly.

Rogue brought a hand to cover her mouth as she shut her eyes, trying to stop the room from spinning. This was all her fault. Knowing now that she couldn't swallow down the bile rising in her throat, she leapt to her feet and raced out of her room towards the nearest bathroom. She didn't even have time to shut the door before her stomach lurched and everything she had eaten came back up. When she was finished, she flushed the toilet and crumpled to the ground. She burrowed her face into her knees and wrapped her arm around them. She rocked back and forth, worried that she was going to pass out. Oh how she wished she could go back in time.

"What is going on up - Rogue! What happened to your arm?"

Rogue's head shot up and she stared wide-eyed at Scott Summers. She's had a crush on him since she had first met him, "Ah-ah..um..."

"Outta here four-eyes," Logan entered the bathroom, saving Rogue from having to stutter out an explanation, "Let me talk to Rogue."

The older boy nodded and taking one last look at Rogue, he left towards the kitchen room where everybody else was enjoying lunch.

Logan shut the door and stood in front of it. She was trapped, "I'm not moving until you talk to me."

"Then Ah guess we're going to be stuck in here forever." Rogue mumbled.

"You don't have to hurt yourself Rogue. We're here for you. We're your family. We can help you deal with your emotions. You don't have to go through this pain alone."

Tears clouded the Southern girl's vision. She almost broke right then and there, "Logan..."

"At least let me clean and bandage your arm before it gets infected." Logan offered.

Rogue nodded, but didn't move. She watched blankly as Logan crossed and got out some gauze, cotton balls, and hydrogen peroxide. He knelled down next to her and soaked a cotton ball in the peroxide, "This is gonna sting a little bit."

Rogue gasped and bit her lip at the harsh sting that seemed never ending. A tear fell down her face as Logan began to wrap up her arm, "A-Ah'm sorry."

Logan grunted, "Don't apologize Stripes. We'll fix it. We'll get you help."

Rogue shook her head no and got no response from the mutant. At last he finally stood and extended a hand. Rogue took it and he pulled her to her feet. He opened the door and stepped out, "You're missing school for the rest of the week. Go back to the MedBay and get some rest."

* * *

Rogue yawned and stretched as she walked into the dining room. She had done nothing for the last two days except sleep the day away. She had to admit..it was a little nice having time off from school.

The sounds of dishes clinking, food cooking, and loud chatter immediately stopped when she walked into the kitchen. All eyes were locked on her. Some weren't even trying to hide the fact that they were staring at her arm. She placed her hands on her hips, "May Ah help you with somethin'?! Y'all have a starin' problem?!"

Everyone looked away and the sounds that had previously filled the room resumed. Rogue swiped a red apple from the fruit bowl, took an angry bite, and stormed off back towards her room. After the professor, Logan, and Ororo had looked through her and Kitty's room they had deemed it "safe enough" for her to return. She gasped when she bumped into someone. It was Kurt, "Ugh! Why do Ah keep bumpin' intah yah? Watch it!"

He averted his gaze to the floor, "Oh, uh, hey Rogue. Sorry. How are you feeling?"

Rogue frowned, "Ah'm fine! Why are y'all actin' so weird?!"

"Ve're not! Ve're all just vreally worried about you!" His German accent was thick with nervousness," Scott told us he found you in the bathroom and...you know the vrest.."

Rogue only scoffed and pushed past him and into her and Kitty's room. Since they had found out about her self-harming, the professor had taken the locks off of her room door and the bathroom door, which her housemates weren't too fond of. She was also put under watch. Usually, it was Logan, but sometimes he'd switch out with Beast or Storm.

She crawled back into her bed and pulled the covers over herself. Her apple rolled from her hand and onto the floor. Suddenly, she wasn't very hungry. She'd find the apple later.

"Come on, let's hurry up!" Rogue stiffened as she heard Kitty's preppy voice and her door slam open.

"Oh," it was Amara, "Shhhh Kitty! Rogue is sleeping."

"Oops. I forgot she's missing school for the week." Kitty whispered.

"Can you believe it," Amara whispered, "She's cutting herself. That's so gross. I heard that Scott found her in the bathroom and her entire arm was cut up. That's why the professor took the locks off the bathroom and your room too."

Kitty shrugged, "Honestly, I always took Rogue a being the type to totally like, do things like that, but I mean like, we all have issues...I guess we all have our own ways to deal with them. It's like totally not her fault ya' know?"

Amara nodded, "I guess so. It's just creepy. She just wants all of our attention. I mean, why wouldn't she close the door when she was cutting herself in the bathroom? She wanted someone to find her. Now we can't even have a lock on the door. It's so not fair!"

Rogue almost screamed out of anger right then and there, but she bit her tongue.

"Yeah, it's totally not cool for Rogue to like, do that. I mean, now we're all like getting punished for it, but - ah-ha! Here it is! Come on, hurry before Scott leaves! He said he would give us a ride to school!" Kitty grabbed her jacket, then Amara's wrist, and ran out of the room.

Rogue waited until their footsteps faded before she threw off her covers and quietly closed the door and leaned against it, "Attention."

She was happy that Kitty at least tried to understand, but she soon brushed that aside when she had heard her roommate agree with the younger mutant that she was simply attention-seeking. She didn't want attention. If she wanted attention she wouldn't have tried so hard to hide it from everybody.

She bent down and picked her apple off of the floor. She turned it around in her hand before frowning and throwing it against the wall as hard as she could. The apple splattered and broke into pieces, creating a mess on the floor.

She opened her bedroom door and walked back down the large hallway and into the dining room. She needed another apple since her other one ended up all over the wall. She stopped at the entrance and bit her lip nervously. Logan, Storm, Beast, and the professor were all sitting at the table reading the newspaper, eating a muffin, or drinking coffee. Is that when they ate breakfast? When all the kids left?

"Ah, good morning Rogue." the professor greeted warmly.

"Good morning." Beast and Storm smiled.

"Mornin'." Rogue whispered.

"You feelin' alright Stripes?" Logan eyed her warily.

Said girl hesitated, "I-I'm fine."

"Rogue, how about we take a quick trip to the MedBay hmm?" Beast asked politely, placing his empty coffee mug into the sink.

Rogue opened her mouth to protest, but not wanting to make a scene in front of the adults, she shut her mouth, nodded, and followed him out of the kitchen.

"Take a seat," Beast gestured towards one of the hospital beds.

She complied, trying not to roll her eyes at his perkiness. She stiffened when he began to roll up her sleeve, "Don't worry. We're just going to take a peek at your arm, clean, and then re-bandage it."

Rogue nodded. She wanted to speak, but couldn't find her voice. She averted her gaze and bit her lip.

Beast cleared his throat awkwardly, "You know Rouge, you can talk to me. You can talk to any of us. We're here to help you. You don't have to resort-

"Ugh!" Rogue tore her arm away, "You're just lahke everybody else! Would everyone please just stop lecturing meh?! It's not a big deal!"

"It's not a lecture Rogue," the professor came into the room, "You're hurting yourself. You need help."

"Ah'm not some nutcase!" Rogue raged, "Ah don't need help, Ah don't want help! Ahll Ah want is for everyone tah leave meh alone!"

She held her head in her hands and shut her eyes. She was so tired. Physically, emotionally, and mentally, "Please, just leave meh alone."


	2. Chapter 2

Rogue shot up in her bed, her chest heaving and her body damp with sweat. She looked around the dark room frantically, until her eyes settled on the red, digital print of her alarm clock.

"4:20 in the mornin,'" she mumbled to herself, climbing out of bed.

She padded softly down the hallway, trying to be even quieter when she passed Logan's room. She didn't know where she was going, she just couldn't go back to sleep. She placed a hand on her stomach when it rumbled. She could really use a sandwich.

Going into the kitchen, Rogue took out the bread, turkey, mayonnaise, and cheese. Her mouth watered just looking at the ingredients. She hadn't really been eating properly for the past week except for apples. She opened the drawer and frowned. Forks, spoons, spatula, measuring cups. Everything was in the right place except the knives were gone.

She turned her head and looked behind her where the knife block would be - all the knives were missing.

"Ugh! You've got tah beh freakin' kidding meh!" Rogue slammed the drawer shut so hard that it echoed throughout the entire institute.

"You gotta bone to pick with the silverware?"

Rogue turned to see Logan standing in the doorway. The fact that he was dressed in his X-Men uniform told her that he had just gotten finished with an early Danger Room session, "No.."

"Well, then what're you doin' up? You should be resting." Logan scolded.

"Will everyone just stop treating meh like some freak," Rogue yelled not caring who heard her or who she woke up. Her Southern accent was thick with rage, "Ah don't need rest, Ah don't need help, ahll Ah want is tah make somethin' tah eat, but Ah can't even do that because y'all took the knives!"

"Rouge-

"Save it," Rogue interrupted, walking past him "Ah have tah get ready for school."

Logan tuned fiercely, "You're not going to school. You still have two more days of resting."

"Oh yeah? Try an stop meh!" with that said, Rogue stomped up the stairs and slammed the bathroom door shut.

She pressed her back against the door and closed her eyes, trying to stop shaking. Taking a deep breathe Rogue turned on the shower and stripped out of her clothes. The only thing she was wearing was the white gauze. She hesitated for a brief moment before she began to undo the bandages.

She glanced at herself in the bathroom mirror. Her arm didn't look as bad - which made her want to cut even more. Shaking off the feeling, Rogue stepped into the shower and cranked the water as high as it would go, hoping that the hot water would melt away all of her problems.

She lathered her cherry blossom scented soap and began to wash her body, careful of her arm. She peeked up at the shower shelf that held shaving creams, shampoos, conditioners and other things and noticed that all of the razors were gone.

"Overreacting losers," she mumbled angrily, now rinsing the shampoo out of her hair.

Once the water was ice cold she stepped out of the shower and dried off. She sighed heavily and wiped the mirror clean of steam. Staring at her reflection, she placed a hand to the glass half expecting it to shatter. Was this really her?

When she had finished blow drying her hair and got dressed in the many layers she had to wear, she made her way back to her room and flicked on the light, "Kit, it's tahme tah get up. You're gonna beh late."

She looked over at her roommate's bed and found it to be empty. She pulled on her shoes slowly, trying to stall. She dreaded going down into the kitchen for breakfast. She didn't need all the stares or whispered comments.

She stared at her hands and pulled on her signature black gloves. Oh, how she wished she could touch. There were times when her hands actually physically ached from wanting to touch so badly. Standing up from her made bed, she grabbed her school bag and headed downstairs, taking as much time on the stairs as possible. Counting to three in her head, she finally stepped into the dining room and took a seat at the table, avoiding eye contact. She tried to ignore the stares and how it got quieter.

"Um, Rogue," Jean started awkwardly, "What are you doing up?"

"Havin' breakfast like the rest of y'all! What does it look lahke Ah'm doin?!" she snapped rudely.

"Is the Professor letting you go to school today?" Scott asked her curiously.

Rogue scoffed loudly and grabbed a red apple from the fruit bowl, "Mind you're own business Summers!"

"Geez, I was just asking." Scott defended putting his hands up in surrender.

"Well don't!" Rogue told him.

She took her apple to go and took off towards the door, "Ah'll just walk tah school."

"Rogue," Storms soothing voice stopped her just as she placed her hand on the doorknob, "Aren't you supposed to be in your room?"

Rogue shook her head and gave a small smile, "No, Ah'm going tah school today. Every thing is fine Ororo."

The weather witch narrowed her eyes skeptically, "I'm going to go check with the professor. Stay put okay?"

Rogue nodded obediently, but as soon as the older woman disappeared, Rogue was out door and walking down the large driveway quickly.

* * *

"Hey, Rogue!"

Rogue looked up from her lunch when she heard a disappointed voice call her name. She was sitting in her usual spot in the cafeteria: in the back, at a single table, and far away from everyone, "Hey Kitty."

"You like, totally weren't supposed to come to school today! The professor is totally freaking because you left when Storm told you not too!" Kitty scolded her roommate.

Rogue rolled her eyes and took a bite of the sandwich she had bought at the cafeteria, "Whatever, they'll get over it."

Kitty frowned, "Like, what's with you lately?"

"Nothin'! Ah just want tah beh left alone!"

Kitty's eyes softened with sadness, "You say that, but I don't think it's true. I think you're sad and this whole cutting thing is how you deal with it. We're your family Rogue and I don't understand why you don't get that!"

Rogue threw her lunch on the ground and stood, "You don't know anything about meh! None of you do! What part of Ah want tah beh left alone do ya'll not get?!"

She walked past her, purposely bumping into her shoulder. She walked around the outside of the school, ignoring everybody and basking in the sunlight. She stopped when she spotted a familiar, red, trench coat, "Wanda!"

The only girl apart of the Brotherhood turned around and waited for the girl to catch up, "Hey Rogue."

"Hey," Rogue mumbled awkwardly.

Wanda rolled her eyes, "Did you want something?"

Rogue glared, "Ah was just tryin' tah beh nice, but fine!"

She turned to storm off, but was stopped when Wanda grabbed her wrist, "Calm down. I was just asking. Geez."

Rogue huffed and folded her arms across her chest, "So, what's up?"

"Ditching for the rest of the day. All these stupid mutant haters are getting on my nerves." Wanda seethed.

Rogue watch interestedly as Wanda placed a black motorcycle helmet on top of her head, "Mind if Ah tag along?"

Wanda tossed her a matching helmet, "You're lucky that your the only X-Men I can tolerate."

"You're lucky you're the only membah of the Brotherhood that Ah can tolerate," Rogue followed her to a black and red motorcycle.

"Rogue, stop!"

Rogue glanced out of the corner of her eye and almost threw up, "Hurry up! Don't feel lahke dealing with little Miss Perfect!"

Wanda climbed onto her bike and slid up to make room for Rogue. The bike roared to life, "Get on."

Rogue pulled down her visor and complied. Wrapping her arms awkwardly around Wanda's waist, they tore off of schools grounds, blowing dust into Jean's face.

* * *

Rogue waved from the institutes doorway a small smile gracing her face. She waited until Wanda sped off before going inside. She shut the door. A bike helmet was clutched under her arm. Wanda told her to keep it.

Rogue wanted to jump with joy and squeal like Kitty had when Lance had asked her to the school dance. She finally made a friend. Someone she could trust. She turned and gasped with surprise. In front of her were Scott, Jean, Logan, the professor, and Ororo. "Um, hey guys."

"What were you doing?" Scott demanded.

"Ah was out with Wanda," Rogue simply told them.

"How could you go out with a member from the Brotherhood?" Jean demanded, "Sure, we may have a truce with them now, but we still need to be careful."

"Hush up Grey! What Ah do and who Ah hang out with is none of your business! Butt out!" Rogue yelled.

"Not to mention you going to school without permission and then ditching," Logan growled.

"Ah don't need permission tah go tah school, and Wanda's my friend! Finally found someone Ah can actually trust!" Rogue's clutched the bike helmet until her knuckles turned even whiter.

"Rogue," the professor started calmly, "You shouldn't have left without my permission. You still need to rest, and Jean is right. You need to be careful around the Brotherhood for now, especially Wanda. She is still not in full control of her powers."

"What?!" Rogue cried, "Why are you lecturing meh? If this was Jean - little Miss Perfect you wouldn't beh lecturing her!"

"That's not true, and, I'm not cutting myself so-

"Shut your mouth! All of you shut up! Ah hate it here! Wanda is right, maybe Ah should go back to the Brotherhood, at least there they accept meh!" with that said Rogue stormed upstairs and slammed her room door as hard as she could cracking the frame.

Breathing heavily, she pushed her bedside table against it, blocking anyone from coming in. She took out a small grocery bag from inside the bike helmet and pulled out a box of razors. She had told Wanda that she needed new ones because Kurt kept using the others, filling them with dark, blue hair.

Relief. Finally, she would get relief from everything. From everyone treating her different, the mutant haters, all the lectures, not being able to touch...everything. She eagerly rolled up her sleeve and pressed the razor to her skin. She took a deep breath and pushed as hard as she could. Rogue threw her head back and closed her eyes as she felt the metal pierce her skin. Relief pulsed throughout her body, all of her problems melting away with that one cut.

She opened her eyes curiously when she felt something warm and wet trail down her arm. Her eyes almost popped out of her head. She was bleeding. A lot. She had never bled before - but then again - she had never cut that deep either. She needed to clean up before Logan smelled her blood. She couldn't go across the hall to the bathroom.

Stuffing her razor back into the box, she quickly hid them under Kitty's bed. Fear setting in, Rogue looked for something to clean up her arm. Tears sprung to her eyes. Was she going to bleed out? She didn't want to die.

She jumped when there was a pounding on her door and a harsh jiggling of the doorknob, "Rogue! Open the door! I smell blood, and a lot of it!"

She looked around frantically trying to find a place to hide. She screamed when Logan unsheathed his metal claws and cut and X through the door before kicking it open. The door and table shattered into wood splinters.

"Oh my god," Logan breathed, staring at Rogue's arm.

"Get away from meh," Rogue whispered taking a step back.

"Come on sweetheart," Ororo soothed as if talking to a small child, "Come to the MedBay. That's bleeding quite a bit."

Rogue shook her head. Her green eyes were glassy with tears and blood was trailing down her arm, droplets spattering onto the floor.

Logan growled, "I'm not playing games with you Stripes. I'll drag you down there kicking and screaming if I have too."

"NO!" Rogue screamed when Logan grabbed her arm that wasn't injured and tried to drag her out of the room.

"Don't fight me kid!" Logan flinched when the girl began to kick and hit.

"Stop it! Let go!" She sobbed, tears trailing down her face and ruining her makeup.

"I'm not going to let you die!" Logan yelled.

As a last resort, Rogue pulled off her glove with her teeth and pressed her hand to Logan's face. Logan screamed and cried out in pain, as he felt the life force being drained out of him. The force of the memories and life being thrown into her, sent Rogue backwards. She cried out as her back hit the wall.

"Rogue!" Jean screamed coming into the room with others behind her, "What did you do to him?!"

"A-Ah just...Ah- Rogue stopped in mid-sentence, falling over unconscious and hitting her head against the floor.

"Everybody quiet," the professor wheeled into the room, "Beast take Logan to the MedBay and Storm you take Rogue. Quickly now. As for everybody else, retreat to your rooms for the rest of the day."

"But Professor-

"Now," the professor told his students firmly and loudly, interrupting Scott's protest.

The students groaned and muttered their protests as they followed the professor's orders. All except for Kurt.

"Kurt, you heard what I said," the older man scolded.

"Vut Rogue-

"Will be fine," the professor reassured with a small smile, "I'll let you know when she's stable and can have visitors."

"Promise?" Kurt narrowed his eyes skeptically.

The professor couldn't help but chuckle, "I promise."

* * *

Logan groaned as his eyes fluttered open. He tried to sit up, but fell back onto the bed with a throbbing headache. He brought a hand to his forehead, "Ugh, my head."

"Morning my friend," Beast greeted cheerfully.

Logan growled at Hank's perkiness, "Hank..what happened?"

The blue mutant's face turned serious, "Rogue did quite a number on you."

"Rogue," Logan muttered curiously, "What happened to Rogue? Jog my memory will ya' bub?"

Hank smiled sadly, "Your memories should come back soon. Rogue hurt herself quite seriously, and she passed out from blood loss, but not before she touched you."

Logan's eyes snapped open and he sat up quickly, despite the throbbing in his head. Everything came rushing back, "Rogue! How long have I been out?!"

Hank pondered this a moment, "About 3 days."

"No," Beast pushed Logan back down onto the bed when he tried to get up, "Stay here. "

"But Rogue-

Beast held his hand up, silencing the protesting mutant, "The professor is handling it. Trust me, she's in good hands."

* * *

Rogue held up her bandaged wrist to the bright light in the MedBay as if she could see through it. She had no idea how long she had been lying in the hospital bed. It seemed like forever. For all she knew, fifty year could've gone by. She hadn't gotten much sleep due to being woken by Logan's memories which were more like nightmares. She didn't dare tell anyone though..she didn't want anyone looking through her head.

"Luckily the cut wasn't too deep," Beast came in looking over Rogue's charts and interrupting her thoughts, "Didn't need stitches. Although, you do have some bruising and a concussion. Might want to take it easy for awhile."

Rogue blinked trying to absorb the information that he gave her, "How long have Ah been here?"

"About three days."

She sighed and slumped back against the pillows, "This is ridiculous."

"Mind if I take a look at your arm?" Beast asked, coming to stand by her bedside.

Rogue opened her mouth to protest, but quickly closed it. She had already caused so much trouble. She held up her arm, "What's going to happen?"

She had said it so quietly that Hank almost didn't hear her. He sighed and began to unwrap the bandage. The ungloved skin was pale and pasty, "I'm not sure. Charles will be in to talk to you later. We just want what is best for you Rogue."

Rogue didn't respond as Hank cleaned and re-bandaged her arm. Tears suddenly sprung to her eyes and she rubbed at them.

"What's the matter," Hank asked her gently, "Am I hurting you?"

Rogue shook her head and rubbed at her eyes with her free hand harder as more tears spilled over, "Ah-Ah want my mama. Ah want Irene back and Ah want her tah take meh home!"

She didn't know what had brought Irene to her mind or even the thought of returning to Mississippi. She just wanted her old life back. Before the cutting, before Mystique came into the picture, before she had left Mississippi, before she had joined the X-men. Even though she had betrayed her, Irene was really the only person to care about Rogue. Even though the woman was blind. She had cared more about Rogue's needs than her own. That was the first time Rogue had ever called Irene "mama." She was lonely and she just wanted someone to care about her...to hold her and love her.


	3. Chapter 3

**I just realized that in my story, Scott and Jean are still attending school even though they graduated in the series and were working as teachers at the Institute. Even though this is after Apocalypse, to make things easier Scott and Jean are still going to be in school. They are seniors.**

**Thanks,**  
**~ FictionChic**

* * *

"She wants to go back to Mississippi with Destiny?!" Logan raged, unsheathing his metal claws.

Beast nodded, "Yes, it appears so. She got quite upset about it and said that she wanted Destiny to come and take her back home."

"What do we do Professor?" Kitty cried worriedly, "We can't just let her leave!"

The Professor nodded, a frowned etched into his face, "I shall talk to Rogue about it. But keep in mind that if Rogue really wants to leave...we can't stop her."

Gasps were heard all over the room. Jean was the first to break the silence, "Do we even know where Destiny is?"

The Professor pondered this a moment, "I might be able to use Cerebro to track her down, but let me talk to Rogue first."

Wolverine retracted his claws, "I'm comin' with ya' Charles."

* * *

Rogue sighed as she flipped through her worn out copy of 'Dracula' for what seemed like the millionth time. She was bored to tears! And according to Hank, the Professor wasn't going to let her leave the MedBay until he was sure that she was stable.

"Good morning Rogue," the Professor greeted, wheeling into the room with Logan behind him.

"Mornin' Stripes. How're you feelin'?"

"Ah wasn't tryin' tah kill mahself," Rogue told them quickly, "Ah swear! Ah just cut tah deep. That's ahll."

"Ya' can't blame us for having a hard time believing that," Wolverine told her, "After all, you did suck the life outta me when I tried to get ya' ta' come down here."

Rogue winced, "Oh yeah...sorry about that."

"Now," the Professor started, getting everyone's attention, "What's this I hear about you wanting Irene to take you back to Mississippi?"

Tears welled up in Rogue's eyes again, but she swallowed thickly and refused to let them fall, "I-is there any way you can track her down? Ah want tah go back home. Ah don't want tah beh here anymore. Ah want mah mom back and Ah want her to take me home!"

"Now Rogue," the professor started gently, "Let us think about this. It might not be the safest idea to go back with Destiny."

"Yer not going anywhere Stripes," Logan told her firmly, "Yer stayin' right here where we can keep an eye on ya'. Yer not gettin' outta this."

Rogue glared icily at him, "Then ahll go with The Brotherhood. Wanda told me it was fahne."

"What part of 'you're not going anywhere' did you not understand?" Wolverine matched her glare.

"Yah can't keep meh here," Rogue folded her arms across her chest, "Ah want Irene here and Ah want her _now_!"

"Listen up-

"Rogue," The professor shot Wolverine a look, silencing him, "I will try my best to track down Irene if that is what you really want, but I do not want to get your hopes up as I may be unable to find her."

Rogue nodded, satisfied with that answer, "If yah find her will yah bring her here ahs soon ahs yah can?"

The professor gave a curt nod, "Of course. I will send Storm or maybe a couple of the students to help her find her way here."

"Okay, thank yah Professor," the goth teen managed to give him a small smile.

"You're welcome. Just so you are aware, I will have to inform Irene of everything that has taken place this past week and the discovery of your-

"What?" Rogue snapped her head up and her glare returned, "Why?"

"I told ya' yer not gettin' outta this," Logan growled, fighting off his smirk, "Go anywhere you want Stripes, but yer not runnin' away from this."

"Ugh!" Rogue threw her head back in annoyance.

The professor hesitantly placed a comforting hand on Rogue's shoulder, "This is not something that is just going to go away Rogue. If you would really like me to contact Irene I will, but once you are back in Mississippi I will have to check in with her daily to make sure that you are getting the help you need."

She glanced at him from the corner of her green eyes, "What if Ah go with The Brotherhood?"

"There is no responsible adult currently living at that house. Although I agree with keeping school and personal lives separate - I will have to notify the school of your situation and things will be handled there," the professor told her sadly.

Wolverine leaned up against the wall, "Yer best bet is ta' stay here Stripes. Things can be handled the easy way or the hard way. It's yer choice."

"This isn't going to go away Rogue," the professor repeated.

Rogue's hands twitched with the urge to cut. She fisted the blanket tightly, "Fahne. Ahll stay here. Happy?"

"The other's will be happy to know that you have chosen to remain here," the professor told her, "I'll have Storm come in here to bring you your meals and I'll check on you later."

"You up for some visitors Stripes?" Logan asked, pushing off the wall.

Rogue sighed heavily, "Kurt and Kitty only."

"Got it. See ya' later and don't strain yerself," with that said he and the professor left the room.

Rogue sighed again and quickly flipped through her book again. Since Kitty and Kurt were giving her schoolwork to the Professor to give to her - maybe she could ask them to bring her some new books to read.

"Rogue!"

She flinched as she was squished between her roommate and her adoptive brother, waiting for someone to fall to the floor unconscious. Even though she greatly craved it, physical contact sometimes made her uncomfortable...it was complicated, "Um...guys?"

"Like, sorry Rogue. We're just like - really happy to see that you're awake ya' know?" Kitty pulled away and smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah! Ve vere so vorried," Kurt chimed in, "I brought you your homevork. Nothing too hard."

"Oh!" Kitty picked up the small plastic bag at her feet, "And I brought you some books I thought you'd like, your CD player, and I found this black rose in the store. It's like totally not real, but I saw it and it like - made me think of you. So, it's a little something to add your own touch while your here."

Rogue's eyes were wide as she slowly took the things from the two mutants, "Wow guys...Ah don't know what tah say. Thank yah."

"You're velcome. You're like our leetle seester. Vell, in my case you are, vut you know vhat I mean," Kurt grinned, baring his fangs.

Rogue rubbed at her eyes again, "Yah guys.."

Kitty sniffled and dabbed at her eyes as well, "Stop the waterworks. You're like - gonna make me mess up my mascara."

Rogue let out a watery laugh, "Okay, okay. Ah'm sorry! Wouldn't want yah lookin' lahke a raccoon now would weh?"

Kitty laughed, and twisted her ponytail, "Like, thanks for understanding,"

"So," Kurt shifted awkwardly, "You're not leaving right. You're staying at the Institute?"

Rogue nodded, her smiling dropping, "Yeah, Ah'm stayin'"

"Well, ya' know..maybe we could like - bring Irene here anyway. Just for a visit?" Kitty suggested.

Rogue pondered this for a moment, "Ah don't know if that would beh a good ahdea," her eyes started to tear-up again, "Ah don't mean tah beh rude..but could yah guys go please? Ah'm starting not tah feel well."

"Sure," Kitty and Kurt hugged Rogue tightly, "We love you."

Rogue's voice caught in her throat, "A-Ah love yah guys tah."

"We'll stop by again when Storm brings up your dinner," Kitty smiled, "We can eat together. It's totally not fair that you have to eat by yourself."

Rogue returned the smile, "Sounds lahke a plan."

"Great," Kurt grabbed Kitty's wrist, "See you later sis!"

_'Bamf'_ Kurt and Kitty disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.

Rogue let her smile drop and let the tears she held back fall down her face. She sighed heavily and wiped them away. Usually, there would be some type of dark makeup rubbed off onto her hand when she cried and wiped her tears, but since she had been sentenced to the MedBay and hadn't been able to attend school, she had just gone for the all natural look.

She snuggled under the covers and tried to force herself to sleep. After thirty minutes of tossing and turning, she gave up and decided to start some of her homework. She might as well get it over with.

She huffed, blowing her white bangs out of her face, "Ah hate algebra."

* * *

"Time for Dinner Rogue," Storm walked into the MedBay, her long white hair flowing.

Rogue looked up and placed her homework aside, "Thanks Ororo."

"No problem, child. How are you feeling?" Storm set the tray on Rogue's lap.

Rogue picked at her salad and suppressed her sigh, "Ah'm fine. Bah any chance have yah see Kurt and Kitty?"

Ororo frowned slightly, "No. I believe Kitty, Kurt, Jean, Scott and some of the others went to a party that someone at your school is throwing. I do hope they're being careful. They should be back at around 11:00. Why?"

Rogue glared at her mashed potatoes, "Ah was just wonderin'."

"I'll come back later to collect your dishes."

Rogue waited until the older woman left before taking an angry bite of her salad. Kitty and Kurt had left her..just like everyone else.

"They promised," she muttered angrily to herself, stabbing a tomato with her fork.

She stared her fork for awhile. If she really wanted to...

* * *

"Just let meh outta here!" Rogue complained, "Ah'm so bored. Ah feel lahke Ah'm gonna dahe!"

"Quiet Stripes," Logan mumbled, turning a page in the newspaper, "Yer startin' ta' irritate me."

"Humph!" Rogue folded her arms across her chest and pouted, "Ah don't see whay yah have tah beh in here."

"Storm caught ya' cuttin' yerself with a fork," Wolverine answered irritably, "Charles wants you to be on watch at all times. Usually, it'll be me, but if not it'll be Storm or Hank."

"Ah have been trapped in here for over a week!," Rogue exclaimed, "Ah'm going tah lose mah mahnd! Ah'm not some animal yah can keep locked up!"

Wolverine growled and through his newspaper on the ground, "Maybe I can work something out with Charles. You're allowed out of the Medbay during the day and will return here at curfew if you cooperate and start ta' talk ta' one of us."

Rogue narrowed her green eyes at him skeptically, "And Ah get tah go tah school?"

"I'll have ta' talk ta' Charles about that one, but I don't see why not," Wolverine told her.

"Will yah ask him now?" Rogue begged.

This time, Wolverine narrowed his eyes at her, "Ah told yah yer on 24 hour watch. I'm not goin' anywhere."

Rogue rolled her eyes. She wasn't going to cut herself. She honestly just wanted Logan to ask The Professor if she could go to school. She was tired of being in the MedBay all the time and being isolated from everyone else. The bright white walls were starting to give her a headache. She felt like a mental patient. She wasn't crazy.

"He said it was fine," the sound of Logan's voice snapped her out of her spacey state.

"What'd yah say?" Rogue blinked a few times.

"Yer goin' back ta' school tomorrow. I'm not sure if you'll have to return to the MedBay or not. He's working some stuff out," he reached down and picked up his newspaper.

"So then can Ah leave now?" Rogue asked impatiently.

"Nope," Logan leaned back and opened his newspaper.


End file.
